Moongphali mein daana nahi....

ok so a few jokes..roaming in my mind...jo acche waale hain..

1.we recently gave out an ad in the newspaper for renting out the ground floor.

Aisa nahi hai ki humne puraane kiraye daar ko bahut pareshaan kiya ho,ya uske ghar pe na

hote hue,uska fridge khola ho,ya fridge khol kar uski Us se laayee gayi,Lindt choclate

khayee ho,ya uska kuch samaan gaayab kiya ho...bas woh aise hi chchod kar jaa raha hai...

So we get calls from morning till evening..and guess what...every call we ask:
"aap party hain ya broker?"
(khosla ka ghosla..joke??)
2.I was stading at andrews ganj bus stop.trynig to act lazy by not walking to Ansal

plaza,while it is just a few metres away and trying to find a way via bus to that place.
pehle bande se poocha...

bhaiya..ye ansals ke liye?
he says...catch a bus numbered 413..
fine..thanku bhaiya.aur koi?
aur hain to sahi..par pata nahi.
ok..thanku bhaiya..

saamne ek aunty khadi ho kar moongphali khayee jaa ri thi..mennu chadi khundak...issliye ni

ki woh mujhse pooch ni rahi thi..isliye kyunki..ahem..woh chilke neeche pahen rahi thi..chee

aunty..

me goes upto that aunty..
Aunty..ye ansal plaza ke liye kaise jaaye?
aunty:beta..ye kahan par hai?

me:aunty bas mud kar hi hai..ye yahan se left turn..
aunty:to beta paidal chale jao..

me:aunty phir bhi...matlab joo bhi bas left mudegi...sab jaayengi..
aunty:haan...hmm...*cracks moongphali*...*eats it*...hmmm..*chews it*..hmm...accha..413

number bas..
me:ok aunty.thanku.
moongphali acchi hai?
aunty:*bewildered**still cracking moongphali with teeth*...hmm..acchi hai..
me:aap chilke neeche ni phainko gi to aur acchi lagegi!!

how to black mail your teachers....

Now this is really true...this is what we did plan to do when we were sick of waiting for hours(half hour) for our turn in the biotechnology experiment.

There's an apparatus called the laminar flow,just to keep the air inside it sterile.Since we have 3 such things in our college(which is still great,comparing to other colleges),we still have to wait while our turn comes up to use it.

So,the way we devised was very simple.a few phone calls,a few sim cards and peace of mind.

Step 1.
look for your teachers keys lying on the table around the lab.

Step 2.steal it.

now comes the fun part..
call up your teacher from the cold room(every biotech lab has one,in order to keep things which we have already spoit,unspoiled).Say to her in a heavy voice..

"aapka chaabi ka guccha humaare pass hai.agar gucche ki salaamati chahte ho,to chup chap group 4 ko sabse pehle experiment karne do."

teacher will reply:tumhe jo chahiye wo le lo,bas mere challe ko kuch mat karna.

you:jyaada hoshaari dikhaane ki koshish ki to tumhaari challe ke tukde tukde kar ke washing room me chupa denge.agali awaaz tumhaare challe ki hogi...

place the key ring in front of the handset and shake it..

teacher:nahiiii....

you:hmm...agali baar phone karke batayenge ki challa kahan aur kab milega.


move out of the cold room,see her reaction,see how many people are left to do the experiment.you suddenly see her talking to the lab assistant.

you call up again:hmm...tumhe kahan nahi tha jyaada hoshiyaari karne ki koshish ki to..
ab tumhaare challe se tumhaari gaadi ki chabi..

remove the key marked "maruti" from the challa.

teacher:nahiii...mere gaadi ki chaabi nahi!

you:to kyun ki itni hoshiyaari?chup chap experiment ka samaan le kar,cold storage mein aa jao.Aur is baar kissi lab assistant ya HOD ko iktila kari to...

teacher:haan haan theek hai..

By the time,she comes to the cold storage,you leave the chaabi ka challa there,move to the laminar flow,do your experiment(by this time,everyone would have done theirs,and youd've had your fun),
ask some doubts to the lab assistant(to appear innocent and completely interested),and then while your teacher is inside the cold room,lock her from outside!!

easy na!

courtesy:fankee(ankit) and words by sameer..

Green Polity.

With Lok Sabha elections stated to fall next year, government and other parties are already in poll mood. This fact is only strengthened by the announcement of a sop a day. Though state elections (MP) may also fall next year but polices at the national level hold much more importance than those at state level. Every party will be having agendas; few very close to their heart and few will be those garnered during the course of past five years. But the important fact that remains to be seen which party is going to take risk to go green. With going green I meant to say, which party is going to raise voice against global warming, increasing pollution, depleting forest cover, extinction of animals as a part of their national level manifesto.

At present I see no party with green in their cards, and none who will rise above their colours be it blue, red or saffron.  Indian flag though have green in 1/3 of its area which shows our love for green but it somehow does not translates to love for ecosystem. What can we hope if none of the probable talks about ecology and global warming, and aren’t such issues above the process of policy making? Policies are fine, but they need to be ported to real time conditions and this fact is well understood by all including you, politicians and me. India is one of those countries which posses large amount of biological diversity and also some of the very delicate ones. And if not taken care of then they will only remain in the text books for students in school and that too will come after a decade owing to late modification in text books. There are too many of questions than answers. As we the general public still do not know whether any of the party is taking climate change issue seriously or not. Adding to that we also do not know which party is greener of the lot, as I suppose no one have yet ranked them on this issue.

There may be some arguments that climate change is not seen as a major problem by most of the public, and inflation will rule the election season this time. One can agree to this fact but still I do not fine people in general ignorant of this topic as such and they might just not prioritizing it highly when compared to price rise and other economical parameters. But on any given day if you sit and explain public that how ecological change will lead to adverse economical change then there would be really very few not giving you ears. Indian polity in general thrives on this very ignorance of general public or we can also say that it thrives on lack of any positive action by the public. There is regular reporting of illegal mining but there is no reporting of any positive action taken by the government and on to that there is no questioning by the public and since there had been no system of public questioning there has been no answering system either.

If we go deeper into the mud puddle we might end up finding lack of political will to curb any illegal activity harming ecology. So we can say that, its not important what parties are saying but what parties may do, and we all know the quantum of difference between the two. Climate change is inevitable at both global and local level, and its really a high time to check whether the part or person we are going to elect sees the future clearly or not, or is it still sticking to the past.

Expelled...?What to do?

Recently,being denied attending a class,being only 5 minutes late,due to another teacher who held up for long(no,really we don't study this much,ahh...we were on the phone),we sat upon thinking what could we do,using horse sense to enter the class
at any cost.

I'll refer to my teacher as Sir.

The sequential algorithm for entering the tut class at Ts10(Tutorial room 10) is:

1.Poke in your head and ask,Sir may I come in?.You'll get your answer as no.
Wait for 2 minutes.Poke in your head again and this time say,Sir may I come in please?and make faces that'll give cute puppies a complex.

If step one fails:
2.Enter the class with all might.Open the door wide and go on walking to take a seat.The teacher says,"You boy".Act as if you can't listen and speak."ah?ah ha?ahaha?".The teacher repeats,you repeat.Continue until the teacher says"ok for gods sake have seat".
You have a seat.You:Thank you sir.

The teacher is perturbed and asks how could you listen to that line?
You again go on"ah?ah ha?ahaha?".

3.Throw a stone wrapped letter from outside.The letter says:

"Aapki beti humaare paas hai.Jyaada chalaaki dikhaane ki zaroorat nahi hai,nahi to aapki beti ke tukde tukde kar ke,hmm....hm....
ok,baaki baatein baad mein.Humein andar aane do."

The teacher screams from inside"I don't have a daughter".

You send in another letter:

"oh sir saari,my mistake.Aap to bura hi maan gaye.
Aapki biwi humaare pass hai.
saari for the typo."

Even if he says I am not married,send in another stonewrapped letter,

"Sir kyun bhaav kha rahe ho?Lo khud hi bhar lo..
Aapki ______ humaare paas hai.
ab kush??"

4.Being rejected out of the class you go on to he kadi chawal waala outside the college.
Suddenly you decide to call the teacher you expelled you,in the voice of a village born,heavy voiced dad.

You(heavy voice)(on phone):Kyun bhai,aaj humaare chhore ko andar kyun ni aane diya aaj?Bade din ho gaye karcha paani diye..

(to kadi chawal waala)bhaiya,thode pakode aur daalo...humaare aate hi pakode khatam ho gaye?

(on phone):ni ni ji...aapko nahi..aap to bura maan gaye.



5.If all else fails,
Enter the class in the end.
With head held high.
The teacher asks"Now what??"
You say in booming voice

"Varun meri proxy maar di na??"

Pakistan And Inda:The Contrast

Just read this email,written by Mr. Aman(aman1675@hotmail.com)...
nice contrast between India and Pakistan..

Pakistanis surely coin more colourful political slogan than us. They are also less subtle.

So, the next time you see visuals of a PPP protest rally on your TV screens following Benazir's assassination, strain your ears a bit to catch a most telling slogan: Amreeka ne kutta paala, vardi waala, vardi waala. It would lose much flavour in transliteration, but the meaning would not be lost on even a non-Hindi speaker. Now when was the last time you had the army called a dog, and that too an American poodle, on Pakistan's streets?

And this is a Pakistan under an almighty (lately, former) general who has the power to declare and suspend emergency in televised speeches, the power to make 36 (or thereabouts) amendments in his "constitution" at a press conference, and whose ability to take the biggest decisions on the spot is the envy, often, of the Indian politician, and has been a cause for admiration among India's chattering classes.

How many times, since he came on his first visit for the Agra summit, have we heard fellow Indians, including serious, knowledgeable people, talk of him with a sense of awe?

See, how confident he looks, how well he speaks, the swagger, so impressive, knows his mind, is so fit and energetic, so much in control, so macho, can-do and so on. The sub-text was, view this is total contrast with our own political class: overweight, badly dressed, clumsy, evasive in their answers, indecisive, inarticulate and, horror of horrors, not even able to speak any English.

And then came Shaukat Aziz, on secondment from Citibank. So smart, articulate, in his smartly cut suits, blah, blah and blah. And what kind of people did we have holding the same job in India?

Gowda, who slept in Parliament. Vajpayee, who never seems to answer any question. Gujral who only uttered diplomatic platitudes that meant nothing. And Narasimha Rao, who mostly pretended he had not even heard the question.

Now let me tell you a few stories. Not necessarily connected either by timing or context, but yielding an interesting conclusion, nevertheless.

• One of the great untold stories of the Agra summit is how challenging it was for both Vajpayee and Musharraf to deal with each other.

One thought he had the answer even before a question had been asked. The other would think for ever, and often tire out his interlocutor. Apparently at one of the mid-day review sessions Musharraf shared his exasperation with his aides.

He said something like, I know you guys told me he takes time responding to anything,
but how do I deal with somebody who takes so long and then says nothing? A bit like John McEnroe tossing his racket in exasperation while playing Ramesh Krishnan and screaming: how do I play this guy? He serves at five miles per hour!

One of his aides tried to suggest that Vajpayee takes so long because he is processing Musharraf's question in his wise, old head. Musharraf was still irritated and somebody senior in his inner council said, with humour laced with disdain: to unka processor Pentium nahin, 286 hoga (then his processor must be a 286, not a Pentium).

• Now listen to the story from the other end. What exasperated Vajpayee most of all was Musharraf's cocky "decisiveness". "You are the prime minister, I am the president, if we agree on something, let's sign," he would say, while at the same time making changes on the draft of a likely agreement and asking Vajpayee to okay it.

He simply wouldn't buy Vajpayee's argument that he had a cabinet to go back to. "Par aap prime minister hain. Aap faisla keejiye (but you are the prime minister, you decide)," Musharraf would say.

So when Vajpayee briefed his aides and fellow members of the Cabinet Committee on Security (who, barring George Fernandes, were in Agra), he said about his counterpart pretty much the opposite of what he said of him: "He is in such a hurry. Kuchch sochne ko taiyyar nahin hain. Sub kuch faisala abhi chahte hain, kaise samjhaoon bhai." Or words to that effect.

• In the main lounge of the Congress Centre at Davos, Switzerland, where all kinds from heads of state to global corporate leaders to rock stars to ordinary journalists congregate and rub shoulders during the World Economic Forum January meeting, I found my old friend, Pakistani journalist, part-time politician, now a full-time exile, Boston University professor and also an Indian Express columnist, Husain Haqqani. As we exchanged gossip, Tariq Aziz walked past, accompanied by a couple of minders, perfectly cut suit, pompous, smug smile and all.

Just that morning he had lectured many of us senior editors over breakfast, laying down the law for India: nothing would move, the gas pipeline, even the permission to Indian private airlines to fly to Pakistan unless the "core" issue was addressed. Again there was some admiration for his confidence and clarity even among the Indian contingent as he was "so unlike our bumbling politicians".

Haqqani's eyes were now lit up with mischief. He pointed his finger directly at Aziz and said: "You know what they say, Davos is the Disneyland of the mind. If that be so, there goes its Mickey Mouse."

How have the relative fortunes of the two competing kinds of leaderships and nations under their charge evolved over these seven years?

Musharraf now looks bumbling and unconvincing, an international joke, a pitiable, forlorn figure, hated by his countrymen, distrusted by the world and mentioned dismissively even by Barack Obama.

Shaukat Aziz has disappeared from the scene, even losing out to an ordinary mortal — coincidentally from India — for the top job in his alma mater, Citi.

Their country is a mess, their own army, for the first time, is seeing its credibility, power, its pre-eminent position in Pakistan's society and power structure questioned.

Its political class is decimated, its institutions fatally wounded. How do people as proud as the Pakistanis feel when their dictator offers to salvage his credibility by summoning the Scotland Yard to investigate the assassination of their most prominent political leader?

Nobody believes their election commission's intentions, motives or judgment in postponing their election.

Vajpayee, on the other hand, sits at home, having lost power in an election, not in the pink of health, but satisfied at the way his country is moving. His successor, from the opposite side of the political fence, even comes to wish him on his birthday.

His country has meanwhile had many more state elections and another general election within a year or so will give his successors in his own party another crack at power. Now, think, who finally won.

The indecisive, inarticulate, ineffective slob who did not seem to have an answer to anything, or the macho, confident, smart, decisive, modern smartie who seemed to have an answer to everything?

There are many interesting, and important conclusions to be drawn from this complex argument.

But the most significant is this: a modern nation needs democracy and so it needs its politicians, however clumsy, corrupt, effete and power-crazed they may be. Because a military dictator can also be all of these things. The difference is, the political leader draws his power from the democratic process, so he has a stake in preserving that system, howsoever cynical he may be. The general draws his power by throttling the democratic system and its institutions and you can see the results of that in Pakistan.

So, in a democracy, howsoever powerful a Lalu or Mayawati, they have to shut up and listen when the Supreme Court speaks. The election commission can publicly upbraid both Sonia Gandhi and Narendra Modi.

We, the media, can question and curse who we want. It happens because the political class has the biggest stake in the democratic process, howsoever much it may wish to manipulate it.

In contrast, a military dictator owes his power to the absence of institutions, of checks and balances. That is exactly what Musharraf has done to his judiciary, the election commission and even the media. That is why he has to summon the Scotland Yard to investigate Benazir's assassination.



Aman

Pogo Amazing Kids

hey!

the pogo amazing kids awards is out!

well,I can't participate in it(u know,i am underage)

but I want all balshrees(of eligible age) who doesn't know about it,should know about it...

http://www.pogo.tv/contest/2008/06_paka/index.php

putting this up on the blog too..

cheers,
sameer

Hello...!!!

Hi guys..This is the first time I'm sharing something very very important with u all...I'm the Balshree of year 2003 in creative writing(Marathi).Balshree was the competition which gave me confidence that even I can write well and express my emotions effectively...

N Today I'm glad to inform you all...I've published my first ever book of poetry -CHANDANCHURA...Chandanchura means crushed stars...N the sky looks most beutiful when plenty of stars are there...Just like that are our ideas...Random but attractive n beutiful!!!!!!!! Today I'm really really happy to share this विथ all of u!!!

Cheers...

A common bond

Having an old computer has its own benefits..

During the recent genocidal examinations(Test 3),I felt a bond between me and my old computer.

Both of us shared the same feelings.While I was a little shy in my expression,my computer exactly told what I had in my mind.

Call it divine intervention or whatever,this is what happened...

We all have some teachers,against whom we have a very strong prejudice.We would never miss an opportunity to swear at them,that is,of course,behind their backs.

One of those teachers put a folder titled with their name,for the sake of my privacy and life,lets say,teachername,on our common computer network to download.

As I was copying the folder to my old computer,it just hung up.

Pressing alt+crtl+del,gave me the task manager window...

which said..

teachername[Not Responding]

Computer bhaiya!

Sanju....Sanju...!

Also posted on my college's youth club website:www.jiityouthclub.org

Just a passing thought...

More than the current IPL matches,what I am able to see is just the Max New York Life Insurance Ad,(yes the Sanju Sanju one...).

Apart from the observable frenzied emotions and the chaos she creates,there's one ironical(or should i say deliberate) social emotion portrayed,which i think all of us believe in...

As soon as the lady enters the balcony,the voice over goes...

"Musebatein bata kar nahi aati"!

How true,isn't it?!

Fractly Speaking

After using Photoshop for over three years I finally got tired of doing the same things to get a random fractal-like background. Credit for some of the frustration goes to DeviantArt.com
Seeing some of the work there I was crushed to note that my pseudo-complex designs just didn't match up.
Nonetheless with 2GB of RAM and a 2.2GHz dual core beckoning it was time to call in the big guns. Thats where I came across Apophysis. It generates amazing fractals in real-time on the basis of the transformation you select. Yes I know the description is a bit vague, but given that even I am a noob as far as this software is concerned I hope most of you guys will tolerate it.
Any way I strongly suggest downloading one of the newer (post 2.05) beta versions as most of the tutorials I found work with these.
Also to get an idea of what you can do with Apophysis I have uploaded 3 of my latest creations.

Enjoy :)

The Bedouin

The Lady in the Water(This was touched up in PS later)

Dancing Twins

Note: This post was taken verbatim from my own blog. I found that it was in context for the Balshree blog too, since Creativity can be anything you like.